Author Archives: Jake Spurlock

I have to tell a story that is completely unrelated to either of the pictures below. Early this morning, around 3:10 actually, Melissa got up to go to the bathroom. (Side effect of being preggo I assume.) She tells me that every night when she does this, I usually stir in my sleep, roll over onto my back, and start snoring like I have a deep seeded need to wake the dead. On one other occasion, I rolled over and jumped out of bed. As soon as I did, I immediately came to the conclusion that I had been sleeping, and shouldn’t be standing. The only natural thing for me do as a result was to go to the bathroom.

Of course that makes sense.

This brings us to early this morning. I recall rolling over a few times, not able to fall back asleep, so I decided that logic ruled that I should probably make a trip the toilet. I got out of bed, quiet, so as to not wake Melissa. As I walked into the bathroom, calling out from the darkness, someone called, “Hi.” I did what any sane person would do when toilet starts talking, and reeled back and screamed like a girl. I shouldn’t say that I screamed like a girl, that would give this to much justice, I screamed as if the devil was dragging my soul to hell, and I was clutching what ever thread of life I could hold onto. 

Turns out, Melissa was already in the bathroom, and was casually announcing her occupancy to me before I tried to double up on the single toilet.

So, lesson learned, make sure your spouse is still in bed before you try to use the bathroom. The results could be catastrophic.